Exaggerations

My whole life has been a lie.

No, that’s an exaggeration.

As Samuel Beckett once said,

“The truth is so hard to hide.”

I’m only saying he said that

because almost everyone has,

at one time or another,

not because I can prove he did.

I know why Mona Lisa’s smiling:

she just got the results back from

a pregnancy test and it came out

the way she wanted. But I don’t

know what she was hoping for

or whether she told Leonardo.

When I went to meet with Death

and her CFO, I was wearing

a wire. Unfortunately, they

said nothing incriminating—

I never believed that they would. 

Anyway, the scones were great.

George Eliot used to order

pastries from the same bakery.

God hired a public relations firm

and they helped make him an icon.

You’d never guess that underneath

he’s really very shy and quiet,

and has a terrific sense of humor.

He reminds me of Charlie Chaplin.

In 1931, Chaplin met

Einstein and they became friendly.

Einstein attended the premiere

of City Lights, still the film with the best

ending ever—no exaggeration.

Ah, the good ol’ Good Old Days—when

Time was Money and you could buy Love.

As Freud has often been quoted as saying:

“Shut your trap and pass the cocaine.”

It loses something in translation.