It Got Too Much Dealing With All That Madness

It’s always the nights that are the worst for Jack, the nights when the Scouse next door would show off his complete inhumanity, a Scouse with a penchant for the very worst amphetamine sulfate known to North London, a love for loud, LOUD heavy metal, and a sound system that could blast a thousand tiny bedrooms, but tonight something is really pushing on Jack’s last nerve. 

The music blasts all through Sunday when all Jack wants to do is sleep off his comedown. He’d had a pretty wild but also pretty average weekend himself, but as the day wears on, his patience is tested to its absolute limit. He knows he has to do something, anything, to try and reason with the Scouse, but as he finally drags himself up off his mattress, he realizes just how ugly it could get. 

Walking across the narrow passage that connects the two rooms, the booming chorus of Iron Maiden’s so-called classic Can I Play With Madness screams into Jack’s face, and his absolute hate for them sends him into a blinding rage of fury.

“You sure can, you motherfucker!” He screeches as the door comes flying off its hinges, and Jack immediately spies his nemesis lying prone on his mattress with a huge, long line of what Jack can only reckon is amphetamine sulfate on his bedside table. Jack leans in and does about half a line as if his Saturday night had never ended, and as he prods the Scouse, he can feel the explosion reaching boiling point.

“You’re the worst neighbor I’ve ever had, you motherfucker!” Jack shouts as the Scouse’s eyes finally open.

“What the fuck?” is all he can retort.

“The music, motherfucker!! Do you even know what fucking time it is?”

“Ah, just leave it alone; turn it off if you want, I just want some sleep…”

“You want some sleep… You!!!!!!!!!”

“Jack!!!!” his landlord screams as soon as he walks in on the scene.

“I just, I just couldn’t… Oh mate, I just couldn’t take it anymore… The endless metal, the endless horror! I just couldn’t!”

“Well, look, the police are here…”

“OK, let me just finish this,” he says, taking a huge toke on the massive joint, “tell them they’ll get no trouble from me…”